Serving with Discernment

As I sought the Lord for what He would have me share in this article, I sensed He wanted to encourage those who regularly seek to love and serve His people, who are dedicated to edifying and building up the body of Christ. My prayer is that these words will help and enable you to serve with even greater discernment and effectiveness. If, however, you find that you still predominately serve and give with selfish motives -- in order to be noticed by others, because you "need to be needed," or for whatever it is you can get out of it -- then these exhortations are not the main thing you need to be focusing on.yet. I encourage you to primarily keep honestly embracing your struggle before the Lord and continue inviting Him to purify your motives and make your love for the brethren sincere and unfeigned (1 Pet. 1:22). But as you see you are walking and abiding in His love -- sacrificial love where you truly lay down your life purely for the benefit of others -- then these things can help your serving all the more. I make this distinction because I want you ladies to understand that this article is not so much about having your motives purified as it is recognizing some "tools" that will help those of you already serving from a good place to serve even more effectively.

Consider these scriptures:

The common thread in all of these scriptures is that the Lord has specific and unique actions or words that are "tailor made" for each and every situation, and He will direct us when to do or speak them at His appropriate time. We all know that timing is critical, and can mean the difference between ministering life and edifying someone or ministering death and heaviness and tearing them down. We have all no doubt seen many examples of this. Jesus, our precious Lord whom we are to correspond to, is our ultimate example of how we should walk in this. He did "nothing" on His own initiative, but only acted and spoke as He saw the Father so doing.

The Lord has chosen to use each of us and the particular vessel we are in order to impart what is on His heart to others. Of course "part of the package" in this is that we each have unique personalities and natural tendencies that these things from Him must pass through. There is nothing wrong with this; it is God's own design. But if we respond to needs merely out of our own personality, limited understanding, and natural tendencies, instead of actively watching and listening for the Lord and only doing or saying what is on His heart, we are likely failing to give "the proper food at the proper time." We may say or do things that are technically true, helpful to some extent, warm, and even scriptural, but if they are not what He is imparting "according to the need of the moment," they will not ultimately build them up, or at least not nearly to the extent "the proper food" would if it had been given instead.

The needed commodity I am talking about here is discernment that is rooted in love. It can only be acquired through practice (Heb. 5:14) -- and, yes, we will make mistakes in the process of gaining it -- but it is the key ingredient to bridge someone's need with the Lord's provision through the members of His body. Motivation-wise, our heart may be in a wonderful place in relation to desiring to serve those around us, but if we are not walking in discernment as to how the Lord would have us serve and what the "proper food" is, we will typically respond in one of two ways. I'll call these "feely" responses and logical responses, and we'll look at them each separately.

"Feely" Responses
Just because something is "heartsy," deep, or sentimental, it does not necessarily mean it is of the Lord. Just because tears are shed, emotions are displayed, and people are opening up and being vulnerable, it does not necessarily mean the Holy Spirit is at work in that situation. Let me share a story to illustrate what I mean by this.

One day I got together with some sisters for fellowship and encouraging one another in the Lord. Many things were shared and talked about during our time that were very edifying, and the Lord was truly moving among us. Then, a dear sister began to share of some struggles in an area of her life and asked for us to stand with her in prayer. I'll never forget what happened after that.

Another sister started telling us about a story she had read somewhere that had a similar thread to what this sister had just shared with us. It was a moving story that brought some tears and made you feel all warm inside. This then reminded another sister of something from her past and she shared some very moving childhood memories, and, being typical ladies, we all began to blubber. Our time together very quickly turned into a sharefest of heartsy stories, sweet remedies, and sentimental quotes and anecdotes.

After a little while, one sister abruptly interjected and asked, "Is this really what is on the Lord's heart?" The sister who had originally shared her struggle and need for prayer graciously then told us that all of the things we shared were very heart-warming and yet none of them really met the cry of her heart, encouraged her faith, or seemed to possess the quality of the Holy Spirit. We unanimously bore witness to the truth of what she had just said, and knew we had just been on an emotional ride. Even though it was pleasant, sweet, wholesome, heart-warming, and true things were shared, even things about the Lord, He was not in it. We had gotten off of what was on the Lord's heart and moved onto what was on ours.

These ladies are particularly close-knit and honest with one other, and all of them have a tremendous desire to only be about whatever the Lord has in a situation and be faithful to only say or do what they sense is from Him. We all chuckled for a moment at how easy it is for us as women to get caught up in "the oozy feely heartsy stuff." It didn't take hardly any time before we were all back thoroughly enjoying the Lord together again, and we found what was on His heart for the sister who had shared her struggle. In the end, she was very built up and encouraged. This incident made quite an impact on me and afterwards I asked the Lord to teach me to be more discerning between what is good and okay and what is really His specific provision for a particular situation.

I want to clearly say the Lord can be in a very heartsy and emotional time. I have seen Him break someone's heart open and they could not stop weeping. I have also seen Him many times use a touching story that someone told as "the proper food at the proper time" and it did "give grace" to the ones listening. And I have witnessed many instances where the Lord dramatically uncovered someone's deeply hidden hurt and pain, and restored things from their past. The key is our finding what is of the Holy Spirit and going with that. But in the process we need to be careful not to ever assume that something is of the Lord based merely upon human feelings.

Logical Responses
Just because someone is speaking truth or quoting scripture, it doesn't necessarily mean they are imparting what the Lord has. Some of you may be thinking, "Wait a minute, the scriptures are always good and speaking truth is always appropriate," and I would agree. But even so, is what you are giving "the proper food" for that time? It may be "food" in many situations that will nourish the hearers, but is it "the proper food" for this particular situation? Is it a timely word that "gives grace. according to the need of the moment"? The Pharisees could quote scripture but they were not full of the Lord. We can take a particular truth or principle and try to impart it to someone in need, but if it is not what the Lord is speaking for that time, it is just wordy clutter.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were hurting and you simply needed someone to be understanding, or be with you so you were not alone, or just to remind you that you are very loved, but what you were given instead is a teaching or truth? I remember years ago when I was in the middle of my second miscarriage and was at home grieving the loss of this child with Matthew and close family members. I had already just been through a very difficult time with my first pregnancy ending in miscarriage, losing the baby at 12-13 weeks with hemorrhaging so bad I had to be hospitalized. That was one of the hardest things I had ever gone through, and yet here I was two months later grieving over my second child. At the time, I was offering my desire for children to the Lord, knowing I might not ever have any (I just gave birth to my fifth a few weeks ago, by the way!) when someone came by to "comfort" me. When they came through the door I was crying and saying, "I want my baby." They immediately interrupted and said, "Oh you're young and you have plenty of time left for having kids!" In my grief I responded by saying, "But I really wanted this baby."

I knew the truth that my child bearing was the Lord's, He is sovereign, I can trust Him no matter what, and even though there are many things I do not understand, He does. I also knew the reality of my age at that time and that, barring some unforeseen tragedy, I should have many years of child bearing left to go. But these truths and logical facts were not what I was needing at that particular moment in time. I simply needed to cry and grieve and release the baby to the Lord, and have others with me in doing that.

A few hours later, someone else came by to "console me." They communicated how much I was on their heart and said they wanted to give me something that would help (I never doubted their sincerity), so they went to their concordance and found a number of scriptures about death and decided this was fitting. They then proceeded to go through each one on their list. I love the holy and inspired written word of God, but it was very obvious that the fragrance of Christ and the comfort of the Holy Spirit were not coming through what she was giving. I appreciated her heart and her effort to do me good, but this did not encourage my faith, bring me peace, or help me to more deeply feel His love and embrace at that time. It left me feeling that I had been preached at and even a little "messed with." In talking with these ladies later, they both apologized for being insensitive and I assured them I harbored no offense.

I share this example in order to make the point that we must find what the Lord has in any given situation and not rely solely on logic or deductive reasoning to determine what to give or how to try to love people. His words -- whatever He is speaking now -- bring life. They edify, they build up, they comfort, they confront, and they bring peace. I could go on and on, but I think if we look back over our own experiences when can see pretty clearly when something was of Him and when it was not. Our challenge is to not wait until after the fact to determine this, but rather to be discerning what the Lord has in the moment and giving it.

In closing
When we hear of a need or encounter a situation where we can tell the Lord would have us somehow serve those involved, we need to immediately seek Him for what He would have us give or do or say, and not allow our brains or emotions to be the determining factor. It is not that our mind or emotions are bad -- the Lord gave them to us -- but they need to be capacities the Lord flows through with His Spirit and life rather than the initiators of our actions and words. The Lord may have us give them a hug, cook them dinner, tell them a story about a time we were going through a similar situation and what He did, share a scripture, pray, or just quietly be with them. The effect may be quite emotional, very matter of fact, or somewhere in-between. He may have us say something that seems more like simple common sense to us or He may anoint us with revelation and wisdom from above. The point is that He is always faithful to speak to the situation or direct us in what to do, but if we are busy acting on our assumptions or initial impressions, we will fail to recognize His provision of "proper food" and proper timing. We have to be "slow to speak," (James 1:19), still (not impulsive), and listen and watch for what He has. If we live with our ear inclined to the Lord and become familiar with His voice (Jesus said, "My sheep hear My voice and follow Me," John 10:27), over time we will grow in our discernment and learn to better recognize Him in the midst of these situations. The result is that our giving will be much more effective and edifying, and the body of Christ will truly be built up.

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