"Fussin' Bye-Bye!"

“Stop your whining!” “Change your heart!” “Quit pitching that fit!” Hopefully we are all continually requiring our children to let go of their bad attitudes and submit to what we have for them. Beginning around the time ours are about 9-months-old, my husband, Matthew, and I begin working with our little ones to not only change their outward conduct when they don't like what we have for them, but to change the attitude of the heart that's behind the bad behavior. When they start acting cranky about following what we're leading in or pitching a fit or just being sour, we discipline them and work with their hearts until they move off of their agenda (i.e., “I want that toy,” or “I want to get down,” or “I don't want to”) and fully give themselves to our way. Our expectation of our children is that they will immediately stop their pooty attitude along with all of their fussing. And part of the process of our training our toddlers is to lead them in responding back to us after we have instructed or corrected them. In this kind of situation, we lead them to respond back to us by telling them, “Say, ‘Fussin' bye-bye,'” and these precious little lambs look up at us and in their sweet baby-talk spit back to us, “Fussin' bye-bye” as they quiet themselves and change their heart. (Remember, I'm from Texas so the “g” in -ing endings aren't really pronounced). It's awfully cute, but it's serious business, because this is instilling something in them that will train their heart for the rest of their life.

Our home is overflowing with love, joy, and laughter, but it is absolutely understood among our children that they will change their heart (not just their behavior) when we tell them to. It is non-negotiable. We see to it that they truly yield, and we know whether or not all complaint has stopped simply by looking into their little eyes. They then “rest” and are at peace in what we have. No matter how we lead them there is no room at all for fussin'—none! It's gotta go “bye-bye”!

This is a great standard for our children to live by and it prepares them for rightly relating to God, but sisters, do we ourselves, as those who claim to actually be following the Lord, live by this same standard? Do we require complete submission of our hearts to the Lord and our dear husbands? Is the door to fussin' absolutely and completely closed in our lives? Do we live content before the Lord with a heart that daily says, “Oh God, whatever You have – take all of me – I am Yours – I only want what You have, Father…”?

It is amazing to me how much allowance is made for women's “fit-pitching.” Some obvious expressions of this are actually not unlike the untrained two-year-old in the grocery store wanting candy. Some of you rant and rave, scream and holler, and fight and manipulate when you don't get what you want. Sisters, if this is you, you must turn your heart!!!

The damage you are causing is monumental! Every day that you keep this door open, you lose ground in your life in God. Your fit-pitching is also an example that is being lived out before your children of what you believe is okay for an adult woman (let alone one who makes some claim to godliness) to be like. Aside from your horrible example, your children are no doubt the focus of at least some of your fits, and yet they also get the residual yuck from the ones where they are not. It breaks my heart every time I hear of another Mama tearing down her children or I see the scars left on little lives by one who is angry and out-of-control. Without God's intervention, these wounded ones will live a lifetime with the wreckage and will many times end up repeating the pattern of strife in their own lives and families. And what about the damage inflicted upon these poor husbands? I have witnessed time and again marriages torn apart by an angry woman.

Another way “fit-pitching” shows up for some of you is that you have a ready-response of fear and worry to the situations and cares of daily life. “Well, how in the world is that fussing?” you might ask. It may seem calmer than yelling or kicking and screaming, but it is still outward behavior that is rooted in a heart that says, “I will not trust because I feel something else.” No, No, No! We need to yield, believe our Father, and give Him everything and not try to control our lives.

Probably the most common way I see all of this expressed is by women who pout or complain about everything. If you're one of these, you send out “the vibes” that communicate, “There's things I just don't like.” You are the kind that makes everyone feel “sat on” because if you aren't happy then no one else is either. You punish your husband by either your silent, passive treatment or your constant nagging and tormenting disapproval. You have your opinion about everything and you're intolerant of people just needing to grow and learn. Your children probably don't enjoy being with you because you have made them believe that they can't ever do anything right. If you still aren't sure if this fits your description, then go right now and look in the mirror and see if there are wrinkles between your eyes from an unhappy frown and furrowed brow that is more than likely a default setting on your face. Now keep looking… Is there gentleness behind your eyes? Are your shoulders tense? Do you look a little mean or like the “party-pooper”?

Sisters, just like you would instruct that little one of yours, look yourself right in the eyes and then up to your Lord and say, “Fussin' bye-bye!” You really can turn your heart this very moment. Any moment! Jesus has made a way for us to rejoice in all things, respond with love, be full of the life of the Spirit, and yield to Him in everything. Do you believe Him, or are you a “Christian atheist” who doesn't actually believe at all? If the latter, you go through the Christian motions but your life's choices demonstrate that you trust in your own feelings more than God and you think His way is unattainable. Repent for your unbelief. Let's instead listen to what God has spoken and commanded and simply act in faith and trust in Him. Isn't that what we want our own children to do with us? We instruct – they obey. We lead – they follow.

Just like you want your child to immediately stop their bad attitude when you tell them to, so does God when you have yours. If you tell your child to stop their fussin', they need to make that simple choice to just do it. They don't need to implement 10 steps to “get to” a good heart. They don't need intensive therapy. They definitely don't need to talk about how hard it is with everyone they know. Nor do they need some over-spiritualized hocus-pocus routine to change their hearts. Obedience is incredibly simple, but it requires complete death to flesh—death to what you want and what you feel.

Now, let's keep raising the standard. We don't have to be scared of God's way. Let's move toward the light, toward a walk that is sanctified and daily set apart for Him. His standard is that we would only speak forth His words of life, that we would have His fragrance coming out of us night and day, that we would walk in a manner worthy of His highest calling, that we would be a light in this dark hour here on earth, that we would be full of the joy of the Lord, that we would be abounding in love and demonstrate that love through our eyes, our smiles, our words, and our deeds. When you see His way and His seemingly impossible standard, just fall on your knees before Him and say, “Yes!” Every moment of everyday say, “Yes!” All the power and fruit of the Holy Spirit follow these simple acts of wholehearted submission to Him. Also, when we live in this way that He has called us to, we have real peace and true joy.

So, staring this standard straight in the eyes, are you ready to jump? Great! Make a list of all of the ways that you see yourself fussin' and pitching fits. It would be really good if you would muster the courage to ask the people closest to you how they see you as well. Next, repent for each thing, turn your heart, grieve over your flesh's destruction, and then actively walk in His incredible way. He has set you free from sin to live—truly live in His Kingdom! Praise God!!!

But if real and lasting transformation is going to come to your life, then you are going to need help with shutting the “windows” you have open in your life that are letting in all of these “flies” of things that you know are not of the Lord and keeping them shut. One way to do this is to:

First, identify your flesh's typical mode of responding and reacting.

Next, find what excuses you offer yourself (and others) for why you have a tooty heart. For example: “I like everything orderly, so chaos makes me crazy,” “My hormones just leave me so angry—I can't control them until I can regulate them somehow,” or “I need a break or some big-people time away from the children because I just can't be okay until I get it—it's just my personality.”

Now, seek the Lord and ask Him what lies you are believing. It's the lies we believe that keep the “windows” open. Some of the main lies are:

Lie: “I can't help it.” Truth: We all get to choose. You “can do all things through Christ who strengthens you” (Phil.4:13).
Lie: “Mamas just get frustrated. It's par for the course.” Truth: God has made a way through Jesus' death and resurrection for you to respond to anything by the means of the Spirit of God. Frustration is never a fruit of living by Him.
Lie: “I'm open to changing. It's just gonna take a while.” Truth: Hebrews 4:7 says, “Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your heart.” James 1:22 says to “be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.” You can choose His way right now. To delay is to say “No” to Him and disobey.
Lie: “My situation is different from yours. It is so much harder for me.” Truth: “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Cor. 10:13).
Lie: “Everybody fights. The important thing is to fight fair.” Truth: In Matthew 5:39, Jesus commands you to turn the other cheek when you are wronged. Galations 5:19-20 says that “the deeds of the flesh are evident,” and some of the deeds it lists are “enmities, strife, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, and factions.” So, there is no place at all for fighting. It is outside of the Kingdom of God.
Lie: “I'll eventually do this, but I'm going to have to have a lot of help. I need more teaching, more counseling, and more mentoring, even though I'm plugged into several accountability groups and am reading three self-help books right now. I've been in therapy for 10 years and I keep uncovering more and more junk, and I'm even being discipled by five older women, but I can't seem to get traction.” Truth: We enter the Kingdom as children and all of that unproductive fluff and self-discovery will lead us down into a complicated, messed-up maze that we cannot possibly find our out of. God's way is simple—one that a child could follow (Matt. 18:3). We just need to turn from all of our ways, leave all of our baggage with Him, and say “Yes!” to Him with all our heart. To tell you the truth, He doesn't really want your help!
Lie: “I'm just a bad person.” Truth: If you're a child of God, it's time you believe the truth of what He has said about you that is found throughout the New Testament. You are a new creature in Christ and He loves you (2 Cor. 5:17)! It honors Him when you believe and act upon what His Son paid such a high price to bring into reality. Likewise, it dishonors Him when we don't.
Lie: “God wants me to feel free and I will not take on your legalism.” Truth: Legalism is when we do things in an attempt to somehow establish our own righteousness. True righteousness is only by faith in the blood of Jesus and nothing else. So if you have been made righteous in Him, go forward in obedience to your Lord because you belong to Him. True freedom can only be found by wholeheartedly following Jesus. To cling to this modern interpretation of what legalism is will promise you freedom but will actually lead you to captivity. Complete obedience and submission actually feels very comforting and is truly liberating.
Lie: “When I hear too much truth, it makes me feel awful, like I'm not good enough. So I'm just going to let all of that go until I can hear it without feeling condemned.” Truth: Romans 8:1 says that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” This kind of "condemnation avoidance" is usually a big, fat, self-focused “rabbit trail” that our flesh likes to get on to keep us from the real issue of submitting to and obeying the truth in faith. We feel bad, and so trying to get ourselves to feel better becomes our focus rather than the Lord. I'll say it again: will you take in or refuse His grace? You need to get to where you love the truth so much that you chase after it and can't wait for more.
Lie: “God's got to do it” (said with a cheesy smile or a helpless, defeated, fragile look). Truth: Baloney! His work is finished, it's our turn. Our part is to now take up the grace He has "lavished upon us" (Eph. 1:7-8), follow Him in faith, and walk in what He has already provided and the way He has already made.
Lie: “I don't fully grasp the reasons and theology behind God's standard, so I'd like to discuss it to death and analyze it from every angle.” Truth: You're the very kind of person He wants to confound. He reveals His simple ways to those who walk with Him as children (Matt. 11:25). It's time to turn that silly brain of yours off, quit trying to be so big, close your eyes, and dive head first into His rivers of Living Water.
Lie: “There must be demonic forces overpowering me because I'm surely in the Spirit all of the time. So if something yuck is coming out of me, I am not the one responsible for it.” Truth: Hopefully I don't need to say too much here, but if you embrace this flaky concept of the unseen world and your flesh's role in spiritual battles, you probably have numerous sin doors open. You get to choose! Demons cannot come and take you over without your consent. Instead, look in the mirror, take responsibility for your life, and quit playing the victim.
Lie: “Being lighthearted and joyful is just not me. I'm not cut out that way.” Truth: He has called us all to a life of abundant joy. No child of His needs to be a “stick in the mud” or a “bump-on-a-log.” Just open the eyes of your heart and see what all He has done. If you really see it, you cannot help but sing, shout, dance, and smile!

Next, see if you can locate any particular areas that you tend to get more worked up about than others. The reason you get worked up and fuss and pitch fits is because you have expectations and demands. Do whatever work is needed to lay all of them down and be content, because they will inevitably trip you up and hinder you from walking according to the Spirit. Some of the things that set you off might be: guests not showing up on time, children making spills or messing things up, the house not staying “perfectly” clean, laundry not being folded “just so,” dinner not running smoothly, interruptions, not having your hair washed and styled perfectly before starting your day, running low on money, your husband not meeting a certain expectation you have, your feelings getting hurt, some one cutting you off when you're driving, changed plans, various disappointments or offenses, etc.

Lastly, take some time to honestly look at your life before God. Are you relating to Jesus in everything and not pushing Him to a nice, little, religious corner of your life? Are you keeping your heart free from all bitterness, strife, or hostile feelings? Are you making time to be still before the Lord and feast on His Words of life? Are you refusing the world's food? Do all of your relationships encourage you towards Jesus? Are you living for the Lord and to serve others or are you living for yourself? Do whatever it takes to be full of Jesus and there won't be room for anything else.

Just as we want our children to keep good attitudes and we expect them to let go of their bad attitudes and stop their fits immediately, the Lord wants us to abide in Him and immediately turn from any of our flesh's junk whenever it comes up. All of us have “full plates,” and life is full of difficulties, pressures, limitations, and trials. If we respond to these things in any way other than the Spirit, then complaining and some form of fit-pitching is going to come out of us in one way or another. For those of us who are making a claim to godliness, it is imperative that we tell all of our fussin' “Bye-bye!”