10 Mistakes Made by Homeschooling Mamas
by Maranatha Chapman
What
a wonderful opportunity we have to teach our children at home, raising
them up as godly servants of our Lord. Most of us take this responsibility
and stewardship very seriously, grasping the magnitude of our investment
with a lot of soberness. What we do and how we do it is crucial. Obeying
the Lord in His command that parents are the ones to raise up, train,
nurture, and instruct the children He has given us, is our primary basis
for homeschooling (Eph. 6:4, Deut. 6:4-7, et al.). Along the way, we can
receive encouragement from many sources, such as the many exceptional
articles written in various issues of Home School Digest
about goals, motives, and reasons for homeschooling that I feel are encouraging
and challenging. Yet sometimes, as mamas, we can feel defeated, lost in
the process, exhausted, overwhelmed, confused, and frustrated. Do we need
to feel condemned? No! Hallelujah, the Lord has made a way for us to "not
lose heart in doing good" (Gal. 6:9, 2 Thes. 3:13), acknowledge Him in
all our ways (Prov. 3:5-6), and persevere while looking "not at the things
which are seen, but at the things which are not seen" (2 Cor. 4:16-18),
as well as many more truths and promises in God that we can hang on to.
I know there are numerous "joy stealers" and lies of the enemy
we can believe, but I would like to focus on some of the biggest pitfalls
I see that we mamas can stumble into in our homeschooling endeavor.
(1) Imitating a failed system. If you think about it,
it is so silly for us to take our cues from the world in any area of life,
including and especially the teaching and training of our children. Things
like report cards, class periods, recess, set lunch times, huge teacher's
manuals, field trips, electives, tests scores, etc., are what many think
are the only ways to educate. I encourage you to seek the Lord on what
He has for you in the training and instruction of your children, and reevaluate
anything you are doing that is like what you may have grown up with in
the government schools. Throw out anything that is unnecessary or anything
you are doing that is simply for the sake of "being official" or feeling
a sense of security "because we're doing it right."
(2) Putting on a false role. You be the mama 24/7/365.
Don't ever become "Mrs. Chapman," the teacher, and leave being the loving,
nurturing mother you are called to be. So many dear, well-intentioned
sisters I have talked to will put on and wear a different persona in order
to teach their children and actually take off certain aspects of godly
motherhood. Remember, whether you are teaching your children to not interrupt,
sit quietly, share toys, multiply fractions, spell their name, honor their
father, drive a car, eat what is put in front of them, or consider the
needs of others as more important than their own-it all qualifies as learning
and they need a mama and a daddy to teach them. Don't divide "education"
into separate categories or you will miss many precious opportunities
to make a place for the Lord in your home and connect with your children
on a heart level. Changing who you are will confuse and frustrate your
little ones, not to mention that you will stress yourself out as well.
In the Lord, things are usually always more simple than we want to make
them.
(3) Believing that you need desks and chalkboards. In
many ways, this is more of a continuation of the first two points of deception.
A big, comfy couch is the best place to learn. Due to severe "morning"-actually,
"all day"-sickness here in my ninth pregnancy, my bed is the place where
the children and I camp out for a good portion of the day (and you can
tell from all of the pen marks on the sheets and comforter). The kitchen
is also a great place for hands-on instruction, learning to follow directions,
and sharing sweet moments. Try the garden-some of our fondest memories
and conversations have taken place there. You don't even have to have
a schoolroom decorated with seasonal bulletin boards, a chalk board, maps,
learning centers, or rules posted on colorful, oversized poster boards.
If you stop and consider these things, they really are unnatural in the
environment of the home, and our children don't need an artificial environment.
(4) Participating in the dangerous leaven of homeschool pride.
It grieves my spirit every time I hear the bragging about the
superiority of homeschoolers. Since when is "tooting our own horn" part
of the Christian walk? It is not that hard to educate our children better
and faster than most government schools. Is our goal achievement by the
world's standards that we can crow about or godliness? "God is opposed
to the proud" and only "gives grace to the humble" (Jas. 4:6). Will we
walk in humility before Him and the world, or in arrogance and pride?
If we even want to be able to get through our day in the Spirit or train
up godly children, we have to cry out to Him
daily and know that we are weak. "Pride goes
before the fall" (Prov. 16:18). I don't know about you, but I want to
walk in/by the grace of God and not set myself up to stumble and fall.
(5) Overextending. This is an area that I think is finally
getting more of its due attention, and I am very glad for it. We have
to choose our activities wisely. The whole family suffers if we have this
one out of whack. The Lord will generously give us wisdom when we ask
Him for it in faith (Jas. 1:5-8), and we need it in deciding what to do,
what to weed out, and how much to be a part of. Consider what scriptures
like Ephesians 5:15-17 and Romans 13:11-14 have to say about how much
time we have and how we are to spend it. There are numerous other passages
I could bring up, but they are entire chapters in the epistles that are
too lengthy to cite here. But we can glean from them that God has called
us to serve, lay down our lives, help the needy, be hospitable, seek Him
and His kingdom, pray, fast, stand in faith, watch, wait, try to learn
what is pleasing to Him, keep house, love our family, wash the saints'
feet, and so much more!
Bring all of your activities before the Lord and allow the Holy
Spirit's piercing spotlight to shine on every single one. Look at them
from the standpoint of what is necessary, needful, and edifying for your
family and the kingdom of God . Evaluate if the activity has any people-pleasing
pressure attached to it. See if the Lord has made the time for it or if
you are forcing something. Peace-His peace-is what you are looking for
here. Obviously, check to see if it is worldly and if it is worth your
time as a follower of Jesus.
(6)
Pushing our kids to perfection. First, let's look at our hearts.
Pride, comparing ourselves with others, and holding to worldly ideals
and standards are the yucky motives we can come from in driving our children
to be the "model," know-it-all, do-it-all, child. How does this look?
Before I started teaching my firstborn, I remember hearing and taking
in the lie that children need all of these varied skills and abilities
as well as a very broad base of knowledge in order to get through this
world. I praise and thank the Lord that we never got too far into this
deception, and, after He opened our eyes to the truth, we actually went
the other way with a distinctly unpleasant taste in our mouths for this
common and popular advice.
Your children do not need to speak Russian and French, do sign language grammatically correct, understand trigonometry, be able to paint artistically and draw beautiful horses, possess skills in drafting and architectural design, write novels, be the best seamstress, gourmet cook, mechanic, finish carpenter; be a dynamic public speaker, worldview debater, journalist, editor, and computer programmer; play the harp, oboe, and piano; tutor in the community, help the congressman; be the gymnast, basketball star, distance runner; have the lead role in the drama club, be the winner of the spelling bee, and have perfect SAT scores. Does aspiring to all of these types of things sound like the will of God for a disciple of the Lord Jesus? Does the Lord really care about all of this nonsense? In and of themselves, some of these aren't bad things. But if something like this constitutes the sum total of your bottom-line goal and desire for your children, they will feel the pressure to achieve it in order to please you and they will ultimately despise you for it.
Our children really do not want to be grand achievers and do all
of that. It's way too much pressure. What they innately desire most is
to be loved and live a pretty simple life of purpose. Again, just like
the activities we choose, seek the Lord about who your child is and is
to become. The Bible is the best source to look for His standards of who
we are and are to become. Teach your children to be loving, kind, gentle,
sober-minded, full of faith, peacemakers, etc. Let this be their identity
and let these things be what we seek most rather than the worldly ideal.
(7)
Being hasty in school purchases. Have you ever listened to a
sales pitch and then bought, say, that $250 curriculum that promises to
make your child the perfect scientist only to come home and realize that
you cannot even follow the introduction? Be discerning and act slowly
when you buy any curricula, books, games, etc. Don't fall for every advertisement
and enticement to buy. And don't just duplicate what Sister So & So
does "because she's got those really advanced brainy kids." Slow down,
keep it simple, wait on the Lord, and He will direct you. I am convinced
that so much of the "school material" we acquire is expensive fluff that
keeps us bound up and feeling guilty.
Most of our favorite teaching tools are things we have made or
designed ourselves. It's not that we have some superior talent, but the
way we think and communicate naturally fits with the style in which we
teach and the way in which our children are used to receiving from us
and that will likely be true for you too. Don't be ashamed or reluctant
to read books, make stuff, investigate, do real life activities, play,
and construct. If you shed the false assumptions that only "the experts"
know what is best when it comes to how and with what to teach your children
and embrace that the Lord has a rich supply of grace for you
to teach your children, you
will find Him faithful to give you the creative ideas you need for your
crew. And you know what? You'll have more fun in the process than you
ever have before.
(8)
Being impatient and uptight. This may sound completely "out
of touch" and unrealistic, but you really can thoroughly
enjoy teaching and the whole learning process. But, sisters, we must
relax and make our goal to love and lay down our lives.
If you bark at your children when you are instructing them or express
frustration and impatience when they are trying to grasp what you have
been imparting to them, then something is amiss in your
heart. Yes, the child may need to submit or change their attitude or learn
to sit still or whatever, but we should not be surprised and shaken because
they need constant instruction. They are in training!
And they will be for a long time. Put on patience, kindness, gentleness,
self-restraint, etc. (Gal. 5:16-25, Col. 3:1-17). Let go and enjoy your
children-they won't be with you at home for that long. Don't squander
your time with crazy expectations (on both yourself and your children),
heated encounters with your kids, and an uptight unpleasant environment
in your home.
(9)
Coaxing your children instead of leading them. Know before the
Lord what you want and then lead your children in it. You do not need
to be at your children's mercy, nor live three steps behind them, nor
adapt life to fit their preferences. You have already "lost the game"
if you fall for the trendy parenting style that "redirects" rather than
confronts and coaxes children into doing what you want instead of requiring
their submitted obedience. Your surroundings do not have to be "kid friendly"
(in the "life revolves around them" sense), colorful, loud, and flashy,
just because "the experts" say that is how children learn. If you are
daily being burned up for Jesus as "a living sacrifice," seeking to truly
love, following the Master in the training and teaching of your children,
and being consistent in enforcing obedient submission, then your kids
will love their life.
(10)
Keeping your husband "out of the loop." I have saved the greatest
pitfall, and consequently the most important encouragement, for last.
Ladies, we need wisdom and discernment and overall direction from our
husband. They are the shepherd of the home. They are the head, and it
is a comfort and a relief to me that they are. My husband has a way of
cutting right through the fluff. Even though Mama is the primary one who
is with the children during the day, that doesn't mean that we make all
the decisions. Men are typically not as swayed by external influences
as we women are, and many times they do not care about "what everybody
else is doing." Find from your husband what his vision and direction is
for the training and education of your children, and then find your role
within that.
As
you can probably see, there is an overriding theme in these pitfalls.
If we ultimately seek anything/anyone other than Jesus, we are a mess.
Nothing you put your hands to do will ever amount to "treasure laid up
in heaven" unless He alone is your entire life (Matt. 6:19-21, Col. 3:4).
Kindling Publications
6303 CR 233
Tyler, Texas 75707-3147
USA
www.KindlingPublications.com