Relationships Centered On Jesus
by Maranatha Chapman
Recently I have found myself continually thanking the Lord for the relationships
I have and the tremendous blessing they are to my life. To have true friends
in God is a very rare thing. Most everyone has a friend or a buddy, but
I am talking about fellow saints beside whom you are running your race
and with whom you are, all the while, cheering and encouraging one another
on as, together, you "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward
call of God in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:14). God has placed each member
in the body of Christ "just as He desired" (1 Cor. 12:18), and these are
the members in close proximity that see you, know you, speak into your
life, help you find the Lord's strength in your weaknesses, and love you
"fervently from the heart" (1 Pet. 1:22). And, as with every member of
His body, we especially cannot look at these and say "I have no need of
you" (1 Cor. 12:21), for we have seen the Lord's grace and faithfulness
come through them over and over again.
Like so many things, the world has poisoned us with its ideas of what
love and companionship is and we have unfortunately bought into some of
these lies. In contrast, the Lord's ways of relating to one another are
so pure, His purposes are definite, and whatever is of Him bears the sweet
fragrance of His life. In light of this, let's take an honest look at
our relationships and friendships and see if they are life-giving, pure,
and in Him.
What
do you join around?
Have you ever had a friendship based upon common interests? Let's
say I really like to cross-stitch and so does "Susie." We each have six
children and both of us love to garden. Even though we share these common
interests, if we allow them to be the basis of our relating-that is, what
we are joining around and what we find our unity in-then we fall short
of what the Lord has and our relationship is not being a place for Him.
What brings us together and unites our hearts needs to be Jesus alone
and all those other things must be very secondary.
Have
you ever been to a football or basketball game where folks are all bonded
together around cheering for their team? They hoot, holler, laugh, cry,
shout, jump, hug, dance, wave their arms, taunt, criticize, complain,
show outrage, express anger, etc., all based upon their support for their
team, and they do so together, as evidenced
by comments to one another like "we have the
ball," "we're not having a good night tonight,"
"I can't believe they did that to us," or "we
won." This is garbage, right? Well, when we join around
temporal things and allow our unity to be based on these earthly common
interests, we too will find ourselves that emotionally invested in things
that are of no eternal relevance and doing the same kinds of ridiculous
and foolish things. You may have similar interests and preferences as
someone close to you, but let your unity come from seeking the Lord together.
Let your hearts be knitted together because of a common zeal and love
for our Lord Jesus.
Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 3:17-20)
What else can we join around? Politics, entertainment, food, decorating, shopping. the list could be endless. How about a common enemy? "I'm against such and such (or so and so)!" "Well, so am I." Or let's say you both see the sin in someone else's life and enjoy discussing their problems and doing so makes you "feel" closer to each other. The flesh loves being against someone or something with another person. This is using self-righteousness combined with judging and gossip in order to try to fulfill a need to feel camaraderie. Sick!
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst." (Matthew 18:20)
We
all love joining together, bonding, and camaraderie-and so we should because
the Lord created us with that capacity-but it has to be done in Him and
around Him or else it is something fleshly and ultimately bad (Gen. 11:1-9,
2 Cor. 6:14-7:1). Yes, you may feel close to people when you come together
around something or someone other than Jesus, but it is shallow, empty,
and void of His life. Don't you desire more than that? Seek friendships
that are fully centered on the Lord.
What do you talk about?
As obvious as this one is, it can still snag us continually.
Ask yourself: Do you gossip? Do you enjoy picking apart others' lives?
Do you like to stir up trouble? Do you have Life in your conversations?
Do you edify and encourage? Are you being edified and encouraged? Do you
spend a lot of time on shallow subjects? Do you dominate conversations
with the main topic being what affects you? Do you ask good questions
that help to draw out the Spirit of God in the other person? If you don't
like your answer to one of these questions, then get on your face before
God and ask Him to teach you. It is also very important that when you
see your faults that you bring them to the light and confess them (James
5:16, Eph. 5:11-21, 1 John 1:5-7).
Do
your relationships encourage you toward the Lord?
When you spend time or talk on the phone with a sister,
do you find yourself earth-focused and discontent, or are you built up
spiritually? Having folks in your life who build you up in your walk with
the Lord is extremely important to anyone's spiritual well-being. There
are a number of sweet saints that I share my life with who will come by
or call and sing a song of encouragement to me or proclaim the goodness
of the Lord. And if I'm not home, they will record it on my answering
machine, which is a real treat, because then I get to listen to it as
many times as I want! What a wonderful thing it is to be built up by childlike
yet bold saints who follow the scriptures literally:
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
(Ephesians 5:18-21)
Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. (Colossians 3:16-17)
There
is another sister in my life who almost always starts a conversation by
saying, "So tell me what the Lord is doing in your heart today." What
a blessing she is! Her question causes me to look in my heart and bring
out His abundant life, and no doubt she is also edified in the process.
Is your loving coming out of pure motives?
What most people call "love" is most definitely not love
at all. It may be some kind of human affection or loyalty, but it is not
love. The scriptures teach that a person cannot love
unless they are born of the Spirit of God and know Him (1 John 4:7). People
of the world may think they love, but, in truth, only God is love (1 John
4:8, 16). Knowing this, look to see if the origin of your love is from
Him or if you are "loving" from give-to-get self-motivated interests.
Do you give to folks so that you can feel important, needed, or noticed?
It could be that, say, I am wanting to "love" you by "speaking the truth
in love" (Eph. 4:15), but in reality I am doing this to you because it
makes me feel like I am really spiritually mature. There is no genuine
love for my sister, care for her life, or moving with the leadings of
the Holy Spirit in that. Another simple way this can show up is when we
feel compelled to add something "spiritual" to a conversation when our
motive in doing it is so we can feel spiritual.
Yuck!
Do you ever try to produce some sort of effect
when you "love"? For example, if you are with a sister and you pull one
of her children into your lap and are sweet and affectionate with them,
is it because you want your friend to get the effect that you are a loving
nurturer? Or is it perhaps because you want her to feel comfortable with
you and so you use "loving" on her children as "a way in"? Do you give
to get? Do you "love" out of your need and desire to be loved yourself?
The scriptures command: "Let love be without hypocrisy" (Rom. 12:9). They
also tell us that "love. does not seek its own" (1 Cor. 13:4-5). Often
invite the Lord to reveal any hidden, impure motives that may be in operation
in your heart, and He will faithfully do so in order for you to let them
go and move on to "fervently loving from the heart" (1 Pet. 1:22).
Do you believe that being a loyal friend is a good thing?
If so, make certain that you see loyalty for where it is
good and for where it is bad. Our loyalty and allegiance is to be to Jesus
alone, but we have been fed the notion that being a true friend is to
stick by a person "no matter what." If you think this way and practice
this type of loyalty then you will probably, at times, end up protecting
your friends' sin from the light and their flesh from the cross "just
because they are your friend and you should." In the moment, you will
likely not face that this is what you are doing, but this is where it
leads to. Before the Lord, to walk in that type of human, fleshly loyalty
is making an idol of the friendship over your faithfulness to the Lord
Jesus. Let your devotion be to Him, and then allow the overflow of His
love, life, and light extend to your relationships.
A true friend is faithful to always bring the Lord front and center. A
true friend is willing to risk losing the relationship so that you can
get what you truly need (even if it hurts) because they are ultimately
much more concerned about your life in God than having you as a friend.
A true friend knows when to release you into God's hands and step back.
A true friend knows that the most important thing is God's will and eternal
purpose rather than an on-earth mere-man relationship.
Is the Lord your source or is another person?
The way to know the answer to this question is to see who
you look to for life. If you find that you are "not okay"
based upon how the other person chooses, or you have an obsessive need
to be with that individual, then your heart is focused the wrong way.
The Lord is our only Source for life, and only as we rightly relate to
Him as Source can our relationships with others be healthy and centered
around Jesus.
Are these relationships in any way weakening your family life?
Do any of your friendships pull you away from your family and undermine
your role as a wife and mother? Be on the alert for this
one. One way to see if you are being drawn away is if you feel a certain
independence when you are with this person, or, as a result of being with
them, you find yourself desiring more independence from your family and/or
seeking self-discovery.
In closing, the biggest key I can offer to finding and maintaining true
friendships that are centered around our precious Lord is to simply abide
in Him. Being filled with His Spirit and full of His life and love really
takes care of hidden motives, a loose tongue, and worldly ideals on my
part. Likewise, abiding in Jesus typically only draws others who abide
in Him too, or at the least, those who are seeking to abide in Him. By
being in the Spirit, He will also grant you wisdom and discernment in
which relationships to pursue.
And this is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:5-7)
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