How to Teach Contentment
by Maranatha Chapman
If
you have been walking with the Lord for very long, I'm sure you have run
into the Lord requiring you to be content in the circumstances of your
life (Phil. 4:10-13, 1 Tim. 6:6-12). You know the situations. Things like
wanting to be pregnant and having to wait, trust, and stay content in
living in what the Lord has right now, which is no baby. Or, say, you
feel like you need more money to get some things you want and the Lord
leads you to simply live content without it. What about living content
as a mama with the little ones you are looking after, feeding, wiping,
teaching, bathing, etc., and your job of motherhood keeps you from what
you perceive as an exciting, fulfilling life. You have to die (daily),
lay down your life (daily), and be completely content in the day-to-day
role of being a mama.
Learning
to live content in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in is not
always fun. In fact, many times it is through agonizing situations orchestrated
by the Lord's faithful hand that we break through and finally get it.
And because so many of us resist and fight hard against the circumstances
that the Lord uses to get to our heart, the lesson of dying to our flesh,
trusting the Lord, and abiding in perfect contentedness is a continual
struggle.
Unfortunately,
many of us did not learn as children how to live content with whatever
daddy and mama had for us. Let's not be parents who neglect this imperative
aspect of training. Instead, let's take advantage of the incredible opportunity
before us to impart contentedness to our children, and hopefully help
them avoid some of the painful lessons as an adult. And more than anything,
let's prepare them well for relating to the Lord.
How
do we teach contentment? Some ways are obvious while others are probably
things we would not think about or connect to issues of contentedness.
As with every area, everything we parents do and say as it relates to
contentment is crucial because it directly shapes our children's ideals
of what contentment is, or, tragically, what levels of discontentment
are considered normal and acceptable.
. Are you a good example of contentment? I know this
is a tough question, but we have to be honest with ourselves. If you see
your children discontent, restless, and constantly unsettled, then they
are probably living out what they have seen in their parental example.
You cannot give away what you yourself don't have. Fall on your knees
before God and cry out to Him for help if you are failing here. Humble
yourself and seek Him to teach you contentment. As you submit to His loving
answers to your prayers and begin to gain ground in this area, I guarantee
you that your children, in turn, will grow by leaps and bounds by identifying
with you.
If you always have to be "on the go," your kids will not get a settled
mama with a peaceful quieted heart. Learn to make do with what you have
as this will eliminate a lot of needless running around. Your children
will witness this and will "follow suit."
. Live in the right now. If we are always talking about
the future, planning ahead, and looking for what tomorrow holds, we are
probably avoiding some aspect of the reality of our life in our current
moments. In other words, our inordinate focus on the future betrays that
we are discontent right now. Some folks feel a sense of happiness when
they anticipate upcoming events. Reality in Jesus, however, is that it
is only His life that brings us joy and only He can satisfy and this can
only be found in Him and experienced right now. Teach your children that
living in this moment, on this day, in His abundant life, without any
guarantees for tomorrow, is where He has called us to abide.
A practical way to help children who have the "what's next syndrome" is to cut way back on telling them your plans-plans for the morning, the afternoon, the evening, the week, the next hour, whatever. My husband frequently pops up and says, "Okay everybody, load up," meaning everyone go get in the big red van. He doesn't tell us what we are doing or where we are going. We are simply on Daddy's ride. How wonderful it is that children don't have to know the plans, but instead, they are simply content in trusting their father. Doesn't that sound like things another Father we know does with us-all the time?
I remember one time when one of our nieces was visiting with us how she
would persistently ask my husband, "Where are we going?" or "Uncle Matthew,
what are we doing?" He would simply smile and say, "Oh, you'll see." You
could tell that it "ate her lunch" not to know what was next-she couldn't
enjoy the ride, she didn't feel prepared, she was completely discontented,
and thus she was greatly hindered in her heart and life. It's not that
it is wrong for your children to ask what is next and you tell them from
time to time. But when it is a compulsive lust to know rooted in discontentment,
you need to deal with it or you will become a slave to it. Give your children
these types of exercises that require them to just let go, be at peace
with what you have right now, and not worry about what is next.
. Be still. The actual, practical
side of physically being still has obvious rewards for when you are out
in public or, say, when Daddy is reading to the family. But I think the
benefits for their hearts in them learning stillness is just as important
if not more so. When I am training my little ones in quietly sitting still
in my lap, I am teaching them to settle down their own insides by them
hearing my soft but firm tone of "Beeee still." I work with them continuously
until I can tell that they have "let down" and "sunk in." If we teach
them this as little toddlers and keep it maintained, it is a place in
their heart they will know how to go to for the rest of their life.
I think we have also believed the lie that says that entertaining children or keeping them busy will keep them quiet or will get them to be still. By plopping them down in front of a TV to watch videos all the time or giving them an endless supply of gadgets and toys, we are actually training them to be thoroughly discontent and to have a short attention span. Sowing this will cause you to reap children what are not okay unless you keep the entertainment streaming in, and their "need" for it will be more and more often. Most tragic in this is that the proper training of their heart is completely overlooked and skipped.
My younger sister, Amelia, was sharing with me just this last week an
example of this very thing with her little children. She is one of these
mamas who is continually looking at how what she is doing now will affect
her children's future life in God. Now her three kids are all under four
years old, but she takes it all very seriously, as she should, for the
very foundation of their life is being laid in. In her seeking the Lord
about her children being content, she realized that by having a van full
of interactive toys and loads of books, her children had been inadvertently
trained that they had to be constantly engaged with things like this or
they wouldn't "be okay" while riding in the van. This was confirmed when
one day she was riding to town with another sister who didn't have "stuff"
to do in her van and her usual sweet-mannered children were very discontent,
whiney, and could not just sit still and look out the window. It's not
that reading books in the car is bad, in fact, a child who lives settled
in their heart can easily stay content and read, play, and interact with
others. But what my sister saw in her children was that they had
to have something to do. Using this kind of discernment
in our parenting will reap lifelong benefits for our children.
. Eliminate the world's pull. The world has a serious
agenda to nab children's hearts and turn them away from their parents
and, ultimately, from the Lord. They have your
children in their sights and will use any means they can to entice their
fleshly lusts and lead them astray (1 Pet. 5:8-10, Rev. 18:1-4). Be on
guard! Don't take lightly the impact that toy stores, cartoons, and advertisements
have on them. Don't be timid to do away with anything that pulls at their
hearts.
From the time our firstborn, Benjamin, was an infant, Matthew and I have
had the conviction that we did not want to take him (or any of our other
children that would follow) to toys stores because of their potent atmosphere
that is designed to incite a lust for toys and stuff in children. But
I will never forget how one time a few years later Benjamin was with me
and I had to go to the big toy store in town in order to find a specific
board game that we were wanting to give to someone for a birthday present.
He entered that store a sweet, content little boy who didn't know he "needed"
anything in the world, but by the time we left that store there were 10
things he really wanted and "had to have."
So within half-an-hour he was no longer content with the things he already
had. I was shocked and horrified at how quickly his attitude shifted.
Needless to say, in those rare instances when we do go to the toy store
now, one parent (or, now, our older children) will stay in the van with
the younger children while the other parent runs in to get what is needed.
Or if, by chance, one of us has to go in and take the children who are
with us (because the other parent or older children are not there to help),
we talk with them before going in about keeping their heart with Daddy
& Mama.
. Keep things simple. whether it's "things & stuff"
or what you do with your time. Simple pleasures, simple activities, simple
toys, etc., will aid in contentment because they do not have the element
of flashy, noisy, busy, and far out. Train your children (or, untrain
them if need be) to find enjoyment in simple play where they have to use
their own creativity and ingenuity. You will find that they will be able
to play for hours with just a pile of dirt and a few good sticks and not
be anxiously needing to go on to the next thing.
Another aspect of simplicity is your pace. Keep a slow, purposed, "full
of faith" pace in life. Do not allow yourself or your children to get
on others' over-stimulating, compulsive, and busy rides. If you do, you
will completely miss the Lord because there is no time or space for Him
in a fast-paced, complex lifestyle. There are many things that we think
we need to do, but we really don't.
If
you are still unsure if your children have a problem with contentment,
answer some of the following questions that should set off a "red flag"
if there is something there and allow it to wake you up to where your
children are really at. Do they ever say, "I'm bored"? I remember when
my oldest son was a little guy and said, "Mama, I'm bored," and immediately
I replied, "Oh Honey, you are not allowed to be bored." Remember, they
can choose their heart in this matter. By letting himself go to feeling
"bored," he opened the door to discontentment and complaining. I then
sent him out to do a job and made sure he did it wholeheartedly.
Do
your kids whine? Do they mope around? Do they not stay with one thing
for very long? Can they sit still? Do they have a look on their face of
settled and content? Don't forget that the point of all of this is for
them to grow up and live as faithful "set apart ones" (saints) for our
sweet Lord, content to abound or abase (Phil. 4:11-13), whose only desire
is to love and serve Him alone!
Kindling Publications
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